Feeling old and tired and out of touch. Just like the Vic Godard tune, which I am playing right now. I wish I was more of a social animal, but I have no social skills at all. Sat behind the Bacardi Breezer wooden table/bar in the Cavern for several hours today with my head spinning and just feeling generally out of it. It was great seeing what Izzy and everyone was doing, but I couldn’t help my heart sinking and thinking about those Beach Boys lines again… you know the ones… ‘well that’s not me’ … those ones. Everyone’s stuff was so cool. It was so clearly made out of the need to just create things, to communicate love and passion, and next to it all my stuff just looked too glossy, too tired, too jaded. Kind of how I feel most of the time. Apart from the glossy bit, of course.
I passed on a bunch of stuff that I’d found in the bottom of boxes in the geek lair. I found a couple of copies of the three issues of Fire Raisers, which was strange. As I passed them to Izzy I realised they must be nearly 13 years old or so. Very scary. Which means I guess she would have been six or something when we were making them, so, you know, that just makes me shiver and not in a good way.
I kind of blew out of the Cavern in a cold rush I think. I am so bad at that kind of thing. I can totally understand why people call me arrogant. When really its just I’m pretty much terrified. I mean, I can stand in front of a class of 30 kids with no problem at all… hell, I can stand in front of a hall of 250 kids and do a presentation with barely a flutter of trepidation, but I sat next to someone for several hours today and just barely managed to exchange a few words about Kathy Acker. Which I’m sure was just fine by the other party, but you know, it’s kind of weird. I think I belong in an era where formal introductions were the norm or something.
I want to just go curl up in bed and read comics and sleep forever.
Box Tops ‘The Letter’ just came on iTunes. Sigh. Just remembering one night in The Anchorage pub with Jon, drinking strong real ale and talking about how Alex Chilton was God, and this playing on the jukebox. Must be 15 years ago now. It was just after we got back from the USA, before we drifted apart again, as you do with friends of those younger years. I bought a record for Jon on Ebay last night. The 7” of ‘Trees and Flowers’, which was one of THE records of our early years. If the bloody April Showers record wasn’t so damn expensive I would buy that for him as well. I don’t know if he still has a record player even, but what the heck.